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Feb. 28th, 2008

photo, self

Vector art!

The first stage of my very first attempt at a vector landscape.
So I decided to work on my technical skills in Adobe Illustrator, for vector art.
This is a challenge. It's way more detailed than I thought, and it's taking a long time and frankly, I'm overwhelmed and scared by it. But I want to finish it. The final piece will go here too, I hope! :D
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Feb. 25th, 2008

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*gaspgaspgasp!*

So on Oscar NightI had a complete panic...anxiety...whatever attack. I think the stress has finally caught up with me.
It started with a totally hysteric meltdown that lasted about two hours, followed by a good half hour of pure hyperventilation. And then, the breathing slowly to try and stop the hyperventilation...which didn't work to well because exhaling brought on a horrible case of the uncontrollable shakes which then continued for another hour or so.

Feb. 22nd, 2008

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School is hell!

Ok...I know, I go to a college prep school so it's supposed to be hard. And yes, I understand that freshman year is hard because it's a transfer from middle school and the teachers need to grill it into our heads that we won't be guided through everything yadda yadda yadda. But I feel like this year the curriculum is especially unorganized-we have like, 4 huge projects going on. And I know that juniors and seniors are probably laughing at me right now because to them, that's nothing; but they have to start looking to apply for colleges-I'm only a freshman, and I shouldn't be pushed this hard. They say that stress is bad? Then don't give so much to us!
Science fair, essay, projects, and then right after you'd think we might have a break, a time to you know, BREATHE but no! Then it's on to the Architecture Project and probably even more essays etc.
Our English reading list is really ambitious, too.
The Hobbit, The Odyssey, Julius Caesar, Greek Myths, Gilgamesh, Beowulf, the Bhagavid Gita [or however you spell it], Dante's Inferno, just to name a few. And on top of that our history teacher [+ english teacher] is coming straight from teaching college courses, so it's like, do they really understand us freshman? I think not.
In Geometry we're doing trigonometry. I'm not ready for that yet! We aren't supposed to be doing that until like, junior year or something!
And then, we have physics. Physics? Most of my friends say that they get to take easier courses before hand, to prepare them for physics. Because Physics is just sooooo fun. *rolls eyes*
So that's about 2-4 hours of homework each night if I don't have a project, and 8 hours a day for weekends. That's insane, and it's not right. And I do homework quickly.
And if you get sick, you're screwed.

I have to do school, an art program that takes up all of my Saturday basically, and a writing program that eats up the rest of my Wednesdays.

I know that there are people that have way more on their plate then I do, but I feel like freshman shouldn't be treated so roughly. We really have a lot to do, and even the sophomores have just a little less then us. Sure, it's the fact that our teachers have just finished teaching grad school courses, but the curriculum is so disorganized. We shouldn't have 4 major major projects going on at once.

My rant for the day.
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Feb. 19th, 2008

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D:

It hurts...how much I miss him. I shouldn't miss him this much, should I? It scares me...I'm used to being dependent and pretty apathetic about romantic relationships in general. But this time...this time is different. Perhaps it's the fact that I don't see him often at all. Or maybe it's because I really do love him. Or, at least, as much as a teenager can love...
It's a new sensation that I'm getting used to. I don't like, yet, the fact that I'm so focused on one person...he takes away my focus. I think about him more then I should and it's unhealthy..what if it starts to hurt my academic life? I don't want to be one of those girls who's tied around someone's little finger-I'm not like that. I have a head that stays on tight, that knows when to do or not do something. What if my..."love" for him affects me in more ways than one? I can't believe I'm even thinking about this.
And I should be happy, I know, that I have something this great and that I'm sharing it with someone who I believe truly loves me back. But maybe I'm being naive and just plain stupid. Am I? I don't know how to handle all of this.
It's all so uncharacteristic of me-the waiting for calls, the checking my e-mail, the seeing if he's online, the giddy feeling I get when I see him, and when he compliments me or tells me how much he loves me. I don't act this way! But maybe it's a good thing. Maybe I'm just scared-thrown into unknown territory that I've yet to master. And I should hold on for dear life, because I doubt that a relationship like this comes easily-at all.
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Feb. 15th, 2008

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Valentine's Day

It sucked. Because for one thing I had to take the metrolink home again and it was freezing and I ended up being late. Then, I have a D- in Physics because I was sick and got points off for three of the biggest assignments, and of course my boyfriend wasn't there. He lives about an hour away, so I don't see him too often. Luckily, I get to see him this weekend because he begged his dad so I'm happy about that.
My friends and I did an anti - Valentine's day XD
Because it's too commercialized and it's not supposed to be...you should be able to tell someone you love them through actions, words, or small honest gifts. Nothing like a $300 necklace-more on the lines of a rose, or a bouquet of something that REALLY shows you LOVE them, not that you have enough money to buy them something really expensive.
Anyway.
Hope your Valentine's day was better :3

Feb. 13th, 2008

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MERDE!

Well. If you don't know what that means, it's shit. But in French.
Anyway!
So. Our cars are both...not working so I had to take the MetroLink home. Which is cool and all...except for the fact that it's about 30 degrees outside and I thought my ears were going to fall off. So now I might have to get to school late tomorrow [which is fine by me] so there's that situation.
And then there's the fact that I have about 4 projects that I have to finish...or work on. Plus, I was sick so I lost a week aanndd yeah.
The projects:
A Mardi Gras poster and presentation [food, music, drink, costume, the works] due next Thursday
Science Fair [which I know is a long way off but we have specific deadlines] due sometime soon [+experiment results due...a week ago xD]
Julius Caesar paper [Don't know when that's due but it has due dates as well]
"Wind energy" project [we have to create an appliance package for an average wind-generated house] due next week I think

Oy.

Feb. 8th, 2008

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Lemme advertise a bit

My friend and I started an online interactive blog a while ago that hasn't gotten much publicity. Which is fine because we're just doing it for fun but you should check it out anyway!
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Feb. 4th, 2008

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*twitch twitch*

So lately I've noticed that I've started twitching. Not in the eye, necessarily. Just, at random times my leg with start to sort of..shiver I guess. My arm too. And then today I noticed [as I was sitting down] that my shoulder or something jerked really quickly and it happened a few times. Now I know I'm being paranoid [my friend scared me a little XD] And I'm pretty sure they're just muscle spasms. But I'm kind of worried. :/

Jan. 31st, 2008

photo, self

Little Words=big meaning

So I saw one of the spotlight journals, you may have too, and it inspired me.
It reminded me of a story my boyfriend wrote about us [which I can't share XD] and at the end he had a line that was more or less:
"...And you heard my heart beat, knowing it is beating for you" <3

Jan. 30th, 2008

photo, self

Individualism.

So lately, I've been thinking about my artwork and how individual-or not individual-it is. From my viewpoint, it could be a little more different.
I feel like at this stage in my life -at the tender age of 15- I should be developing my technique more than anything but I just really want to come up with a sort of distinct style. Just to the point where when people see my work they have a vague feeling that it might be mine...if that makes sense at all.
So I've decided [based on reactions and comments from friends, etc] that I have a few things in my art that make it remind people of me. Or at least, that shows up consistently with my work.
1] My lines when I do sketches are really loose, etc. If I do a sketch, it pretty much looks like i do it
2] My figure drawings are pretty different at my school-not a lot of people exaggerate the anatomy quite as much as I do.
3] The colors I use are pretty bold...I know a lot of other people use colors like I do, but in my grade and general age range I think it's sort of different...or at least people can associate it with me.

Can't think of anything else XD
I'm still working on technique, definitely, but all the time the wires and cranks are working in my head trying to think of something that'll make my art...POP!
My writing, too. 

Jan. 26th, 2008

photo, self

The saddest dream...

So last night, I had the worst, most disturbing dream. I haven't had a dream in a while, so the first one I have is what? Sad.
Anyway, here's how it went:
Apparently, somehow my boyfriend died. I don't know how...I don't remember. But anyway, I was being sort of passive and un-reactive [like I usually am initially when I'm sad or whatever] but then....somehow, the emotion just sort of exploded. I was crying nonstop and I felt horrible and suicidal and everything. Then I woke up from the dream to find my eyes...filled with tears. It was strange. That hasn't happened to me in a while. So then I thought "Oh my god, what if this means that he's going to break up with me? Or our relationship is going to end somehow?" I was really scared...still am, actually. Anyway, I told myself that I had to dream something happy. So I went back to sleep and somehow lead myself to dreaming that he came to my school?
It was weird. And scary. Now I just...want to be with him...for reassurance.
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Jan. 22nd, 2008

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What Do You Have To Say? - When I Grow Up...

What do you want to be when you "grow up?"

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Hmm...
An artist. I don't know what kind yet...just, an artist. And I don't necessarily want to be a well known famous rich-ass person either. I want to do my work at a more leisurely pace. I don't want to starve to death of course, but I don't want to live in a mansion and have other people make my stuff :P
Because what's art without creation and process?
photo, self

Exams!

So I think that I did really really well for my first set of exams. I usually am horrible at tests, but I did really nicely!

Scores:
French 2: 84%
World Civilizations: 83%
World Literature: 92%
Geometry: 93%
Physics: 76% [Don't look at that score XD]

Jan. 20th, 2008

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Bored! D:

Ugh I'm so goddamn bored right now. There's no one online and there's nothing to do. And I don't have any friends on livejournal really [1, I didn't forget you!] so there's absolutely nothing to do. And I actually don't have any books to read, either. And I don't feel like drawing. T_T
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(no subject)

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )
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iPod touch!!

I'm typing on my new iPod touch!!
I just saw the confederate state of America...strange movie. It was really disturbing but really good. You should see it :p

Jan. 19th, 2008

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What Do You Have To Say? - Me Behind The Wheel

What do you do when you're in the car alone?

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She's in the car along...she's got nothing to do. She's too scared to call anyone...too paranoid to listen to music-allowing full vulnerability-, so she just sits there. She stares out the window waiting for company again. She stares, and thinks about her life...her day, her friends, her boyfriend: anything to fill the time.

Jan. 17th, 2008

photo, self

Old Old poems

SUMMER
a1: He sits in the sand,
b1: He watches the sun fall
a2: The surf and the man,

b2: Who have both seen it all.
c1: The waves wash by,
b1: An entrance to fall.

c2: The pink-blue sky
d1: Introduces summer’s end.
c1: The stars fill the night,

d2: Work just around the bend.
e1: The man’s sad face
d1: Introduces the summer’s end.

e2: The ocean knows of its fate,
f1: The waves feel grim.
e1: The man’s sad face

f2: The Ocean watching him,
f1: The waves feeling grim.
a1: He sits in the sand,
a2: The surf and the man.




For our writing class, we had to do an exercise, where we used these words:

Mother Folds Twilight Hands

We had to use them with 3-7 lines.


1.
My mother's hand
folds the paper
in twilight
to hide her secret
from us.

2.
The twilight washes over
her hands
folded on her lap
as mother thinks
about her crippled mind.

3.
Folded is the sky,
twilight descends upon us.
Mother earth watches;
her hands protect from harm.

4.
The hands of a child
reach for a mother.
He folds his paper;
his first drawing of the twilight sky
with no one to show.

5.
The grandmother sits in her chair
and watches twilight pass
as the clothes she folds shine
with the last light.
Her hands are steady as she puts them away.

6.
The folds on her tired face
show the age of a dying grandmother.
The linen sheets on her hospital bed
are soft to the touch of her bony hand.
She watches her last twilight
and closes her tires eyes for the last time.

7.
Twilight brings the promise of a new day.
Unfolded sheets show the arising of a boy,
his mother makes breakfast
for the yound and hungry child.
The boy's hand grabs his mother's apron.
The day is here.

These next poems were supposed to tie into some of the ones we'd done before. Line limits were lifted.

1.
The mother folds the clothes with shalking hands,
her crippled mind distressed.
She sees herself
in the shine
of the twilight sky.
Her face
folded by her painful past.
She wonders if tonight
will be the last time she sees
the stars glow.

2.
She sits on the bad.
The sheets folded by her side.
She covers her tired face with callused hands.
Her loss is too much;
the twilight came too fast.
All she remembers
is the peaceful face
of her forever sleeping mother.
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Beginning of my story- "Dream"

For my Gifted Writers class. Our prompt? Write about a daily even/activity as if you'd never encountered it before. My choice? School. XD

Oh and by the way people, this doesn't have an ending so don't bitch about it being incomplete.

They are walking down the hall; two very different people with nothing to say. The silence is stretching. Longer and longer, the awkward glances and nervous coughs barely fill the space between lockers and rooms. Finally, he can’t bear it; he has to say something. Anything. The silence had to end.
“I had a dream last night.” He says.
“Oh. Really?” She isn’t helping him.
“Yea. It was strange.” He waits for her to respond. She’s looking at him in anticipation. He gets the hint, and continues. “I was looking at it from above. Like I was some sort of God...or dead person.” His humor doesn’t reach her. He hides his smile quickly, and continues on. “In my dream, I’m looking down on a series of chairs with pieces of wood attached by some supports. They’re attached so that a person can fit in between the back of the chair and the front of the plank. They are situated in rows; five across, 7 back.” He pauses, stutters.
“That means that there are thirty-five chairs with pieces of wood attached.”
“I know. I’m passing math.” She says, smiling. She’s beginning to be more comfortable; he can feel it in her tone. His confidence grows, and he continues with his narrative.
“There’s also a big plank of wood at the front of the room. It has a lot of objects on it; a metal box, some pointy objects, some thin sheets of white...wood? It’s hard to describe.” He looks at her nervously. She nods, telling him to continue. He can see it in her eyes. He starts back up again, more excited than before.
“There’s also a large black board behind the board, with pieces of condensed white dust supported by a small ledge just underneath. I take these things in carefully, trying to figure out what they do; what they mean. But I can’t think about it for too long; all of the sudden, there’s a loud, blaring noise. A ringing sound that goes on for at least a minute before subsiding.”
“A bell?” She interrupts him, curious.
“Yes, I suppose that’s what it was.” He smiles. Now she’s becoming interested. He can see it in the way she’s starting to lean in, to hear what he’s saying. Happy that he’s telling a good story, he continues.
“People start filing in; thirty five of them, to be exact. They all look young. Not kids, but they aren’t adults either. They all have large, complex pieces of cloth on their backs, or hanging by a thick string by their sides. They look heavy. Some of them are leaning, to compensate for the imbalance in weight. Then, there’s a unanimous ‘thump’ as they all put their heavy pieces of cloth down. They sit in the strange chair, each knowing their place. Then they pull out something; a thick collection of the thin white sheets bound by a thick, colorful sheet. They open them up. They all look like they are on the same page.” He glances at her, to see if she’s still listening. Now she’s practically facing him, and their pace has slowed. He knows that she wants to hear more by the intensity in her face. He resumes.
“Now a man, an adult, walks in. He’s carrying a bag like the middle-people are. He, too, drops it with a ‘thump’-but his place is at the large piece of wood in the front. He takes a condensed piece of white dust and writes on the big black board. Words, and definitions. He tells the middle-people: ‘write these down, verbatim, and I’ll look at them in five minutes.’ Now everyone reaches into their cloth holders-”
“Bags?” She asks him.
“Yea, bags.” Now they are sitting. He can tell she is interested because she is at the edge of her seat. Encouraged, he carries on.
“They pull out loose pieces of the thin white sheets, and the pointy objects that I mentioned earlier. They put the pointy end of the object to the sheet, and they start writing. I’m assuming that they are writing what is on the board; they always look up quickly, record, look up, record. Now five minutes have passed; some of the middle-people have turned the white sheets over, and now they are leaning back. The adult is now collecting the papers, and he’s taking storing them somewhere.” He glances up from the table, and sees that all of her attention is on him and his story. He can tell because her eyes don’t avert their gaze. Almost excited, he starts again.
“Now the adult is writing something else on the board; a series of words that when put together make a sentence. He turns around, almost dramatically, and starts talking. He asks one of the middle-people-”
“Are you talking about students?” She asks. Her eyebrows are raised. He understands that she is amused. He can see it in the twinkle of her eye. Happy, he lets the story unfold.
“Anyway, he asks one of the students-” he puts emphasis on the word, looking at her with a friendly smile. “-to come up to the big black board. He tells the student, a girl, to write down what each word in the sentence is. Word by word. She writes letters, and series of letters, above each part of the sentence. Lines, arrows; it’s all a big diagram. When the adult looks at it, he smiles. He’s happy; the student is right. He tells the other students why she’s right, and he tells them to write it all down. Once again the students are looking up, recording, looking up, recording.”

Jan. 14th, 2008

photo, self

School Sketches and Notes

Well, I can't seem to get images to show up here, I'm pretty sure I'm doing it right [if you know how, please help?]. But you can go to this link http://walkingxxspazztic.deviantart.com/ , to look at my artwork.

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